A real apology this time not kidding

[carbonpoke]

Not sure how to say this without sounding like I'm looking for sympathy, but I also feel obligated to talk to everybody about PTSD and anxiety disorder, both of which I have. When it comes to my byu jokes, I admit I cross the line and if I have truly hurt anybody, that was not my intention... A good hearted rub, yes... So I'm sorry, really.

I have been searching for almost 4 years now as to what has been affecting me over that timeframe. Spent thousands of dollars on CT scans, mri's, gastro workups, cameras shoved down both holes. Nothing could be diagnosed. I believed and feared that I was dying, no shit. Horrible horrible way to live your life.

Last month I got a call from my best friend still on active duty. He is having to separate from the army, he had an episode close to what looked like a seizure, but fully aware of his surroundings. Something like this had been happening to me as well. Tremors that look like Parkinson's disease, palpitations, numb hands, symptoms that resemble a heart attack. I have also made multiple trips to the e.r. over the past two years thinking I was having a cardiac event.

So my buddy had this happen to him with the medic close by. He has to get out after 12 to 13 years of service... For PTSD. When he told me this I went to the VA facility in Washington as soon as I could with work obligations. Low and behold, I have PTSD which may have developed into panic disorder. Glad I have an answer.

What I'm trying to do is apologize and to raise awareness. Night time for me is extremely difficult. I have nightmares about having to choose between saving my son or wife from a wide variety of horrible things. I have many triggers that have to do with public places.

If any of this rings a bell to you or somebody you know, seek assistance. It progresses, and from experience I'm telling you it can ruin your ability to enjoy life. There is hope in the treatment. Everybody has problems, but it can be hard to admit when something is wrong with your brain. Feel free to ask me about anything related to stress related PTSD or symptoms.

Again, sorry if I made anybody uncomfortable here in this forum.

 

[pokefanchaz7]

I work in mental health and I wish we had the magic bullet for mental illness but the unfortionate truth is that we are still learning so much about how the brain works and how our mental illness is affected by both our genes, environment and personal trauma. I hope that you find a regiment that works well for you and by all means I understand where people struggle and fall short due to their struggles. Hang in there! I'm not a veteran and truthfully can't grip what your struggle is like but I would wish the best for all poke fans as well as veterans!

 

[poke_addict]

Man that is some frightening stuff. If it helps relieve stress rant away we will read. May not have answers or know what it's like, a day in the life but always willing to help. Go Pokes

 

[Asmodeanreborn]

PTSD is no joke. I know too many people who are affected. I hope you are able to find something that works to mitigate yours.

 

[Cowboy Junky]

PTSD is no joke. I know too many people who are affected. I hope you are able to find something that works to mitigate yours.

Says the guy that uses mental illness as an insult or a punch line if it fits his argument.

Hypocrite much?

:thumb:

 

[Asmodeanreborn]

PTSD is no joke. I know too many people who are affected. I hope you are able to find something that works to mitigate yours.

Says the guy that uses mental illness as an insult or a punch line if it fits his argument.

Hypocrite much?

:thumb:

Uh... what are you talking about? I can't recall ever using mental illness as an insult, especially because of friends suffering from both PTSD and depression.

I've said that your obsession about sock puppet accounts got old a few times, but I'm pretty sure I've never called you insane, crazy, or otherwise suffering from mental illness.

 

[Cowboy Junky]

PTSD is no joke. I know too many people who are affected. I hope you are able to find something that works to mitigate yours.

Says the guy that uses mental illness as an insult or a punch line if it fits his argument.

Hypocrite much?

:thumb:

Uh... what are you talking about? I can't recall ever using mental illness as an insult, especially because of friends suffering from both PTSD and depression.

I've said that your obsession about sock puppet accounts got old a few times, but I'm pretty sure I've never called you insane, crazy, or otherwise suffering from mental illness.

Yeah, it probably wasn't you. It's more Oredigger and Peach that like to toss "crazy" around as an insult.

I try to keep my insults limited to sock, cultist or douchebag...

 

[Asmodeanreborn]

I think both of our worst insults revolve around fandom of BYU.

 

[wyoair]

I work in mental health and I wish we had the magic bullet for mental illness but the unfortionate truth is that we are still learning so much about how the brain works and how our mental illness is affected by both our genes, environment and personal trauma. I hope that you find a regiment that works well for you and by all means I understand where people struggle and fall short due to their struggles. Hang in there! I'm not a veteran and truthfully can't grip what your struggle is like but I would wish the best for all poke fans as well as veterans!

Mental illness treatment is severely lacking in this country, especially for veterans. Its very difficult to understand and treat. Mostly because the medications take so long for someone to see a clinical response and the lack of people that want to go into it. It truly takes a special person to go into mental health (counselor, NP, PA, MD/DO or psychologist). When I see a patient and refer them for counseling or management, its weeks before I can get a patient in. So I try my hardest to manage them in the meantime. My brother used to work at WBI in Casper and they are constantly at capacity. Its truly sad. Most people simply fall through the cracks. Keep up the good fight and keep talking about it!

 

[Asmodeanreborn]

I work in mental health and I wish we had the magic bullet for mental illness but the unfortionate truth is that we are still learning so much about how the brain works and how our mental illness is affected by both our genes, environment and personal trauma. I hope that you find a regiment that works well for you and by all means I understand where people struggle and fall short due to their struggles. Hang in there! I'm not a veteran and truthfully can't grip what your struggle is like but I would wish the best for all poke fans as well as veterans!

Mental illness treatment is severely lacking in this country, especially for veterans. Its very difficult to understand and treat. Mostly because the medications take so long for someone to see a clinical response and the lack of people that want to go into it. It truly takes a special person to go into mental health (counselor, NP, PA, MD/DO or psychologist). When I see a patient and refer them for counseling or management, its weeks before I can get a patient in. So I try my hardest to manage them in the meantime. My brother used to work at WBI in Casper and they are constantly at capacity. Its truly sad. Most people simply fall through the cracks. Keep up the good fight and keep talking about it!

What's especially frustrating is how everybody talks about how mental healthcare is important, but we keep cutting funding for it at all levels (and I'm not blaming this administration - it's been a long-term trend spanning several administrations) rather than making an effort to expand it.

 

[carbonpoke]

Maybe because it's Veteran's day, or perhaps partly due to just wanting to get some things off my chest... Help some others not feel bad... I will tell some of the things that have got me to where I'm at today. For a long time I didn't feel like what happened to me and my fellow soldiers as bad as what some of the infantry guys lived through.

There are many building blocks I think, to affecting the brain enough to cause some change. One of the things that first bothered me was that I felt alone. The first time it really hit me was when I was getting on the plane to deploy. There were hundreds of people... Soldiers and their families. It's hard to explain the emotion of the event. It's scary, and vividly remember what seemed like an ocean of crying children. People saying goodbye. I didn't have that. I had my ruck sack. Nobody showed up for me. Other senior soldiers tried to involve guys like me... Which kinda made it worse. The guy that helped me was a warrant officer, whom was also my arms room officer. We had a cool relationship. He was solid, and sometimes gave ministry in his community. I sat near him and his wife as we waited to board the plane. He has three daughters, at the time the were all babies. The oldest 4, the youngest was 1. They cried and couldn't understand what was happening, why dad was going away. I watched him say goodbye to all three little blond babies. I was crying, everybody was. It was the last time those girls saw or spoke to their dad. I'm crying right now writing this. It's really hard. His helicopter (Chinook) that he was piloting was hit from the rear by an RPG. The helicopter nose dived from 100 feet up, burning all 5 crew members. I knew everyone of those guys. More than anything, I remember his goodbye to his family, his promise that he would see those girls again soon.

I began thinking I could write more than this, but can't. Will try again later.

 

[carbonpoke]

https://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/atwar/2012/05/28/remembering-the-crew-of-a-lost-chinook/?referer=

 

[CowboyNV]

Carbonpoke, thanks for your service and I am sorry to hear of your struggles. My brother did two tours in Viet Nam and has suffered from PTSD ever since. It was only in the last few months that the VA was able to start getting him the help he needs. Our country is good at sending young men and women off to war, but not so good at helping them pick up the pieces when they come home. Just know that there are many out there who support you, and will continue to work on your behalf to get you the help you need. The system needs to be fixed. We need to spend less money on tanks and planes and ships, and more on our veterans who served, and continue to serve our great nation. Godspeed man. Thanks for taking that call and serving your country. I sincerely hope that our government starts to value our servicemen and women as much as they do planes, trains, and automobiles, and give all of our veterans the help they so richly deserve.

 

[Poke-proud]

My son, (teenage) struggles with anxiety. We just put him on meds, as it was getting pretty bad. It does seem the meds have helped balance him out now.


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